Haveing a weekend off from work to just run around and have fun, and spend time with Brandon really snapped me out of my funk.

Its really quite ridiculous honestly. I'm pretty, talented, have a job that I like and I'm good at, even though its only once a year, I have a boy friend that loves me dearly... and yet... at the end of the day I hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate how I act, I hate what I say, I hate what a whimp and cry baby I am, I hate that I can't even get along with my family, I hate that I haven't gone to school

I hate who I am, I wish I was better then all this because I know I can be. I not only fall short of the standards that everyone else sets for me, but I fall short of the standards that I set for me.

On the outside I'm cool, confident and strong...

On the inside I'm a snivling whiney little thing, with no back bone, no patience, and many many feelings of self hatred.

... how did I get this way...?