Haveing a weekend off from work to just run around and have fun, and spend time with Brandon really snapped me out of my funk.

Its really quite ridiculous honestly. I'm pretty, talented, have a job that I like and I'm good at, even though its only once a year, I have a boy friend that loves me dearly... and yet... at the end of the day I hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate how I act, I hate what I say, I hate what a whimp and cry baby I am, I hate that I can't even get along with my family, I hate that I haven't gone to school

I hate who I am, I wish I was better then all this because I know I can be. I not only fall short of the standards that everyone else sets for me, but I fall short of the standards that I set for me.

On the outside I'm cool, confident and strong...

On the inside I'm a snivling whiney little thing, with no back bone, no patience, and many many feelings of self hatred.

... how did I get this way...?

Good day ye lords and ladies. Dear Elle is working the fair... faire, once more! The first weekend was quite emotionally taxing. There were many a good occurence, but the few small annoyances remided me of why I vowed never to work again.

Needless to say, I have mixed feelings. I'm working with people that love and appriciate me... but I quite my good paying job to do so. I'm up at the faire every weekend... but its a two and a half hour drive. I'm with friends... but I'm with mortal enemies. I'm seeing people I don't want to see ever again... but I'm having people who I love come to visit me all the live long day.

You see how I would be torn? At least I got a raise this year! :0 This weekend my boss is allowing me to wear my fairy wings as it is fairy weekend! Thats pretty exciting... but then my life explodes!

I see brandon as much as I can, and then I go to work without picking up my carpool. Then they go home sunday night and I stay one more day, and then work the two kids days, then hide the keys to the camper, then drive home, shower re pack and then go to onicon. From onicon I go back to faire, and enjoy it as it is my only weekend off. Then I go back to onicon, and spend a few hours with Brandon before he goes to the plant for two weeks.

I always worry about my man when he works in the plant... sometimes those places blow up T_T.

Ok... rant over. :) That was a lot of words to say I'm working at TRF and that I'm busier then I expected myself to be!

So my second aniversary with brandon was nearly a month ago, but we are finally celebrating. :) We were maybe going to go to Padre Island, but it was out of both of our budgets, so we decided to just go to Galveston again. We're going for three days. I'm so excited... I need this mini vacation very badly. I love going on trips and staying in hotels, its exactly what I need to get over the stress of life.

My job is going well, I'm a lead, I have some authority and slightly better pay then before... its just... I'm annoyed all the time. My boss is not a very good manager... he's a great guy, just not a good manager. So everything he seems to do pisses me off.

Anyways... thats my life at the moment :)

So... its been some time now since the whole... Songwood episode. If you never heard of it it was a faire that was supposed to occur near my house but then something happened, partners split ways...

Then suddenly there were two faires that were supposed to occur. Its been a year since I've heard anything about either of them. Last I heard one was looking at land, and the other was getting the proper permits.

But... because I haden't heard anything in quite some time, I decided to see if I could find anything about either faire... possibly information telling me yes or no on either faire opening?

The songwood renaissance festival website just says: "Songwoods back on track! Huzzah!"

And the kings realm website has big: "THIS SITE FOR SALE" signs all over it.

Neither of those look very promising... Oh well.. at least there will always be TRF. Thank goodness for King George being the brilliant man that he is. He's kept my favorite faire alive for over 30 years and I owe him so much for keeping it alive, despite all the things that happen, and those who would want to tear it assunder.