Heh... I just realized how funny that title sounds... but I stand by it just the same! Anyways on to my latest realtionship rant.

I love Brandon so much, and do to the lack of "hump" we have had lately he, as you already know, has paid extra attention to me and has made sure that I am very happy with him. And I totally am... I'm happy with him just not happy with being the skirt. I know that is a very vague statement so I will elaborate.

I am bi, and I have only ever had one serious relationship with a female which ended two and a half years ago. Sometimes I find myself yearning for that relationship... not nessisarily her, just the feeling of us. When I was with Kelly I was the one to spoil. I'd show up at her house flowers in hand at random times for no reason at all just to simply be romantic for the hell of it. In contrast, in my relationship with Brandon I am the one who is doted upon. Its wonderful when he catches me off gaurd and takes me to a resteraunt where we've never been, or wont tell me the name of the hotel were staying at wanting it to be a complete surprise. I just... get board being the "girl".

Now I'm not saying that when I am with a girl I turn "butch" I just assume the role that I feel the male (in a straight realtionship of course) should play. If Brandon wasen't such a "manly man" than I would just get him flowers like I would a female but... in my opinion it s a bit more difficult to be romantic with him unless its intimately romantic things like a new pair of knickers.

I suppose all this is building up to another "do I want to stay in this relationship" moment... I could seriously see myself marrying Brandon one day I just don't know if I want to be in a commited relationship long enough to see it go that far before I've... well had a few more flings. I love the begginings of realtionships... its all soft touches, lingering looks, and so much talking and spirtual conecting that if it were a romance novel one would be on the edge of their seats, even if there was never a single line saying the word passion or a euphimism for the male gentetailia... Now I'm sure I've mispelled that.

Anyhoozlebee, I've rambled on... Any thoughts? Any ideas? Any advice? Help me I'm floundering in a pool thats so deep I can't touch the bottom with my feet. Save me life gaurd save me! *flails*