So I watching 'Dan in Real life' which is about a man with three beautiful girls that are almost all grown up and he's having a hard time being both mother and father and they are starting to push him away as teenagers often do. In the movie Dan and his parents, his brothers (their are three) and all of their children get together in a  large cabin in the woods for a week of family fun.

There was one even in which they were all hanging out in the living room, all doing different things: singing, playing the piano drawing, reading, playing checkers... and kep in mind that there are at least 15 people in this family all in one living room. There was another scene in which they all had to  all perform in a talent show.

I was watching this movie and I find myself yearning for that future. A big family, with all the usual problems but... when they're all the same room just together enjoying themselves and their family. I want a bif family one day, I want yearly trips like that.

So instead of sitting around and complaining I decided to complain once and then actually do something about it. I've decided to start looking for a different job mainly because of fair. I either have to find a job with fewer hours, weekend off, and better pay and only work there for two months and just take a leave of absense from Kroger, or find that kind of job and quit Kroger all together.

I've been kind of beebopping around on Craigslist and I've found out what kind of job I think I'd like. I part time nanny job. From what I can see on craigslist I'd love to have a "Pick up my children help them with their homework and prepare them a snack job" Those seem to be paying alot, are decent and rather flexible hours, and mostly weekends off. Heck eventually I wouldn't mind an in home nanny job. My only issue is most of these listings were requiring at least two years experience with children. I have alot of unofficial baby sitting under my belt but nothing that I would consider actual experience because their aren't actual references to back it up. When I was in ballet and whenever we had ballet school wide performances I would always be assigned to watch the little ones and keep the entertained.

But anyways I've been looking for that job, and I signed up for a photography class with a local studio. Its $300 for four days of instruction buuuuuut i'm not just paying for the classes I'm paying for an extended relationship with the studio. Linda (the owner of the studio) offers internships, and assistant jobs in her studio, but only to those who have gone through her class. I'll be working in a real studio and learning so much!

So I started writting a story the other day about a male heir to a vast empire who had led a very comfortable life but had never been spoiled, who was constantly trying to change his daily rutien up so he wouldn't get bored with his coasting existance but it never really worked. Little did I know I was writting about myself... till just a few moments ago. I was listening to a song that just brought all of the feelings of that character back and I realized. I'm bored of the life I am living... but I'm so unmotivated to change, for a million different reason that I feel oh so very stuck.

I'm bored of my family, my home, my job, my relationship (not of brandon and my love for him just the ... mild stand still and regular things we do), my room, my computer life, my days out with friends, my favorite songs, my car, my job, just bored of my entire life. I'm sitting here pining and mooning over what could have been and what still could be if I would just get off my butt. I want to have my entire life just turn compleatly upside down, I want a new job. I want to go to school and stay far away from my family, I want to fall in love with everything, I want to follow my passions, I want to meet someone there be a sudden spark and then fall in love and go from there. (Again I love brandon and this has nothing to do with him i just want everything new including a new relationship... you know, that rush right there at the begining.)

I've rambled and I know if I want these things I need to do them for myself... I just lack in motivation. Fuck....

That was the first surprise my love got me for our trip. Twelve roses for the year that we had been together and twlelve more in hopes for another year. :) I gave him a cookie cake with an inside joke between us written on it aaaaaand dressed up "goth " for him, which he seemed to really enjoy. The darker hair, the thigh high stockings, the corset, the lace up boots, the lacy panties, the black tank top, the black button up over shirt and the pleated skirt, made him have the most comical "oh yeah...." expression in the world. :P

The first day we went and ate lunch and the Spot which had really great burgers, then went to the hotel and settled in. Once we were unpacked and all that jazz we ordered room service watched tv and had a little "fun". Brandon had brought my version of "bubbly" which is actually sparkling grape juice so that was just such a wonderful thing to sip at after a romp in the sheets. He then gave my my present which was a starfire heart cut stone in a 10 karot gold ring. (I love it so much )

The next morrning we got dressed went to IHOP for breakfast, and since it was raining like there was no tommorow we went back to the hotel room and had a bit more "fun" (it was our aniversary trip after all XD.) Once the rain stopped we went to moody gardens and walked through the rainforest pyrimid. I took so many pictures in there its almost not even funny. We then went to the strand (one of my favorite places in the world). The strand is a really old part of galveston that has alot of beautiful old buildings and lots of neat and interesting shopping. We road the old fashioned elevator in Galveston square, drank REAL carbonated right then in there in front of your eyes fountain drinks at La King's soda shop (best damn soda in the world I tell ya), shared hand made ice cream at La Kings, and rumaged through the old military grade stuff at Colonel Bubbies army surplus store. If that wasen't enough we finished the second day with a trip to the beach and a romantic picnick on the shore.

The third and final day of our trip we woke up, packed out things, and got a police escort out to lunch. Brandon's day is a galveston police officer and he took us to one of the local resteraunts away from all the tourists and paid for our meal. We went back to the strand after that had some more awesome soda, shared a chocolate dipped marshmellow from Rocky Mountain candy shop, and went antique shopping. I bought only two things on the trip (other then food), I found the jewlery box of my dreams: its a foot and a half long with two doors that open on either side. These two doors conceal three drawers each. Then in the middle there are three bigger drawers and when the bottom drawer is opened you discover its a music box! I love it so much!

The second item is a dark green canvas messnger bag with a peach sign stitched on to the flap from Colonel Bubbies. Man if I was a cat I would live in that store (the owners cats live in the store and roam around freely). There are plenty of places to hid if I didn't want attention, plenty of people to pet me if I wanted it, plenty of doo dads to play with, and lots and lots of places for me to sleep.

After our last trip to the strand we made one more trip to the beach before heading home. This whole time I took 400 pictures and alot of them were of my traveling penguin XD she had never been the Galveston before even though I've been there quite a few times!

Well... that was my trip :) I hope you enjoyed the rant!

Heh... I just realized how funny that title sounds... but I stand by it just the same! Anyways on to my latest realtionship rant.

I love Brandon so much, and do to the lack of "hump" we have had lately he, as you already know, has paid extra attention to me and has made sure that I am very happy with him. And I totally am... I'm happy with him just not happy with being the skirt. I know that is a very vague statement so I will elaborate.

I am bi, and I have only ever had one serious relationship with a female which ended two and a half years ago. Sometimes I find myself yearning for that relationship... not nessisarily her, just the feeling of us. When I was with Kelly I was the one to spoil. I'd show up at her house flowers in hand at random times for no reason at all just to simply be romantic for the hell of it. In contrast, in my relationship with Brandon I am the one who is doted upon. Its wonderful when he catches me off gaurd and takes me to a resteraunt where we've never been, or wont tell me the name of the hotel were staying at wanting it to be a complete surprise. I just... get board being the "girl".

Now I'm not saying that when I am with a girl I turn "butch" I just assume the role that I feel the male (in a straight realtionship of course) should play. If Brandon wasen't such a "manly man" than I would just get him flowers like I would a female but... in my opinion it s a bit more difficult to be romantic with him unless its intimately romantic things like a new pair of knickers.

I suppose all this is building up to another "do I want to stay in this relationship" moment... I could seriously see myself marrying Brandon one day I just don't know if I want to be in a commited relationship long enough to see it go that far before I've... well had a few more flings. I love the begginings of realtionships... its all soft touches, lingering looks, and so much talking and spirtual conecting that if it were a romance novel one would be on the edge of their seats, even if there was never a single line saying the word passion or a euphimism for the male gentetailia... Now I'm sure I've mispelled that.

Anyhoozlebee, I've rambled on... Any thoughts? Any ideas? Any advice? Help me I'm floundering in a pool thats so deep I can't touch the bottom with my feet. Save me life gaurd save me! *flails*