So today was a terribly emotionally taxing day. Laughing to crying, then laughing to crying again. We all packed up in the cars from saint louis, and made the two our car ride to Virginia Illinois to say our final goodbyes to my great grandmother. She went by so many names in my family: Aunt Mildred, Owee, Oma, the Great O. It was amazing to finally realized her life progressed as her name changed. I read her diaries from 1979 and 1980 on the drive up... and I couldn't help but cry. I haven't seen her in almost 15 years... and these sad musings are the last thing I hear from her. The years, I happened to be reading were the years following her husbands death. I can only so lucky to find someone who I will spend that much time with, and create a bond so ever lasting.
We all ate lunch at a small, nothing cafe, and went to her memorial. I didn't know everyone would be allowed to say something if they wanted to... so I was unprepared when the minister called for anyone who wated to share to do so. I decided to sing for my great O one last time, since at family gatherings I'm always to shy, and end up dissapointing everyone by saying no. I sang the water is wide... not entirely appropriate, but beautiful and well appriciated by everyone. Someone afterwards thanked me for singing, and said the Great O had wanted someone to sing at her funeral, and that she would have loved that I had done that for her.
The memorial service was a little overwelming because not only was I saying goodbye to my great grandmother... but I saw the grave of my grandmother for the first time. I went to the memorial... I was young... I only remember that my aunt brought snacks and coloring books to keep me occupied... and that the ladies infront of me had really grey hair that was bigger then any hair I'd ever seen before. Its funny what you remember when you are that young.
I miss my Great O so much... and the reason I cried so hard was because I haden't seen or spoken to her in so long... i guess I was under the childlike allusion that she would live forever, and I could see her any time I was passing through. I needed this good by though... I feel such a release. I was so bottle up, and emotionally stuck because I didn't have the right foo bye. I touched her grave, I told her I loved her. Michael (her eldest grandchild) gave the eulogy and he quoted her diary... "What happens in this little house... on this little street... can effect the world."
Where I don't know if she effected the world with her life... but it was evident by the ammount of people at her memorial that she was most definitely well loved.
I got pictures of everyone who was there together... which is such a treat because people who I would probably never see again because of geological reasons let me capture them together in that moment, so I may treasure it always. My aunt is driving me nuts... I love her, but I'm liking her less and less. When her mother died she took everything there was to remember her by, regardless of the will... as soon as we got back to the house, she took everything there was to remember Great O by. It kills me only because I have 3 things to remember my grandmother by, all of which accidently came into my possesion, and then nothing of my great grandmothers.
I should have gotten something that was in a will, or given to me by my grandfather. No. I was mailed a tea set from my dads old girlfriend that belonged to my grandmother. My grandmothers ring will be mine when my mother dies, and they can pry it off her finger. And my cat figureen collection was practicly stolen from my grandmothers house by my father... and only because my aunt had no interest in the tacky looking suveniers.
My aunt now has my grandmothers baby book. Fuck her.
The rest of my family is being DELIGHTFUL, which I was worried about because I haven't seen them in so long. But we all meshed back together beautifully, as if no one had grown up, as if no one had forgotten a thing. We all sat around, drinking and playing apples to apples, and losing terribly to the boys, whom had teamed up against us.
I dreamnt last night that my grandmother still remembered my name... was able to move on her own... that she was cooking again. It was a very happy dream, but I woke up feeling sad. My grandmother has had two strokes, has fallen down, has had a breast removed due to breast cancer and all sorts of other horrible things in the last 10 years. She hasn't cooked, she hasn't been able to move on her own, she needs help going to the bathroom, and her memory is completely shot.
She rememberes who her husband is... if you show her a picture of herself when she was younger, she knows who it is in the photo. She remembers her birthday, and the who the paster was at her wedding. She remembers her two children, though for some reason she thinks she had three instead of two. She calls me Laura, which is my mothers name.
She calls me Laura, which is my mothers name. Its somewhat a good sign.. that she recognizes me enough that I could be her daughter... but it still makes me a little sad. She's the last grandmother I have, and she doesn't remember me. Even though she doesnt recognize me, she always makes sure that I know that she appriciates me spending time with her, and that she loves me very much.
Scarby is over for the season, and I was fortunate enough to go twice. I throughly enjoyed the three day trip however. It was amazing. Good friends, adequate food, and so many photos and video, that I can make at least four different youtube videos!
I dressed up in three outfits: A courtier, a fae, and a fae translater. Its just my normal garb, but for some reason I was talking in clicks and whistles all day to other fae. So I decided I was a fae communicator. :)
We made some excellent new friends, had lots of laughs, and I got called a whore. Yes, a whore. I was getting dressed at my car, like most ren goers do, and there was another lady putting on a hoop skirt costume. My dress has off the shoulder sleeves, simply for the sake of not having to put my seamstress out and have her tailer the entire thing.
As I passed the other lady getting dressed her words were and I quote: "Lady in the hoop skirt? Do you know what off the shoulders means? Oh... less sewing...? Well it means your a whore, making the fact you have a hoop skirt on at all negated."
I laughed it off, but the fact she's so stuck up about the details pisses me off. Ok, I wasn't completely perdiod, I WASN'T working so it doesn't mean a flipping thing. That stuff annoys the crap out of me. I go to have fun, not to be judged by stuck up bitches in hoop skirts.
Pardon my language. She didn't ruien my weekend, but now that the weekend is over I can be pissy about it.
Today I go to a production meeting at Jack's for out latest project, I'll clean out my car, and my dress should arrive in the mail.(*Squeals about dress*) Tommorow I pack, and pick up my brother from school (he has to stay late for this thing he has to watch and right a paper on for a grade). Then friday, I pack it up and get my cute but up to Waxahachie till monday! I'm so excited I'm doing three days! That means three different costumes!
The first day I'll be a royal :) I'm not sure if I'll where Ernon or not O.o
The second day I'll be a fairy, I will DEFINITILY wear Ernon with my fairy costume... it just wouldn't feel right without him.
And the third day I'll be in my... normal everyday renaissance garb, and I'll probably where my new dragon :) Yes I got a new dragon! He's the blue one in my new pictures.
So this will be interesting, in my car I will have 4 things that can neither be packed or crushed, along with everyone elses stuff. This will be an interesting four hour drive. At least we only have three people going this year. Last year there were four of us, and all our garb, and all our camping stuff shoved into my deceptively small suv.
