It is an interesting notion when one can think of nothing else but the love in their heart. It is quite befuddling at times. I am quite positive he thinks of me quite often to, it would be interesting to know just how much. When he is near me, I'm so overcome with the feelings I have for him, it almost impossible to think of anything else, or do anything that doesn't directly have to do with him.

He however has such an interesting and almost remarkable way of supressing feelings for what ever reason. He doesn't bottle them up just saves them for later I suppose. He can seperate his life and his love. I am his love and I am part of his life. I, however, swoon when walks through the door. He becomes my world.

Maybe I am needy... maybe I'm overly co-dependent. I don't know but its just my nature. When I love, I love hard, and thats all there seems to be. This is the hardest I've ever loved another living soul and it, quite frankly, scares me a little sometimes. I'm young, there's no need to be thinking about sex, and marriage, and settling down for good, but I can still see it all happening with him. I see the wedding day, I see the first home, the year of burnt dinners, the first child... I say for a moment once maybe being married to Thomas. Never any other lover have I seen much of a future with. Its amazing honestly...

I never really thought I'd find someone I could love so much, so soon. I always thought I'd date in highschool, then have a revolving door of failed relationships and casual sex through college theeeen meet the man of my dreams while I'm working in my chosen field. It never occured to me that I would find someone so wonderful while working in my current proffession.

Now I'm ranting...  I'm just getting my ideas out of my head.

So I'm home, we have power, and I'm back to working all day almost everyday at Kroger. Should be a little more normal and stable right? Well my grandparents decided even though they can't get into their subdivision (its still flooded) that they were going to return to the area... well lo and behold they can't get to their home so guess who they are staying with! Now I love my grandparents and I really don't mind them being here. Its just the way my mother acts when they are around. She acts like the kid who got to have the house to herself for awhile and then her parents came back. She cleans obsessively and throws mini tantrums behind closed doors so her parents don't see what a spoiled brat she is.

I understand her frustration; We don't have food enough here for us let alone two other people, we have alot of work to do to get things at home back to normal and two elderly people don't have much to contribute by way of labour, and she can't do what ever the hell she wants when ever the hell she wants because they are here.

AAAAAaaaaaaanyways the last few days have been hellish at best. I stayed at Brandon's house (he lives 15 mins away) instead of going to houston with my family. This was a difficult thing for my mother to come to terms with and she threw a fit when she found out. I had already made my desicion and left with him long before they left for my Aunts house. The whole first day I was there I was sent many text messeges saying "Oh everybody is here! You should come up here! You can still evacuate if you leave now! The babies are here! Everybody is worried about you!" And various other things of that nature.

I want to say I decided NOT to go to my Aunts house because of last time. My Aunt is a wonderful hostess but she has never been able to handle the pressure of being a hostess for more then a few hours at a time. She eventually cracks under the pressure and screaming insues. I knew this time would be worse: 12 people and 9 pets all in a 5 bedroom house with two of those bedrooms taken by the houses residences, 2 of those people being babies under the age of two, 3 of those women being crazy bitches, 1 of those women being a hypocondriac, 2 of those pets being yappy dogs etc etc etc. I just knew all in all it was going to be hell if I went there.

So I went to Brandon's house where their were only 3 people hunkering down, and a menagerie of animals that hardly ever make a peep. The house is higher off the ground then my home, older the dirt, sturdy as a rock, and has never flooded since it was built from the wood of the 1900 storm. It was alright there, we lost power before most but we had a generator for food and light and air so we were ok.

I slept through most of the storm. I woke up 7 times though so it felt like I hadn't even got a wink of sleep. After awhile I was getting a little annoyed with Brandon, but that was more cabin fever then anything else. He did good trying to get me out and about before the storm but their wasn't much to do.

He took me home when my house had power again and.... well my house is fine. No damage no flooding or anything, but my willow tree.... my lovely 14 year old birthday present that I love like a pet was almost completely uprooted... I don't know what I'm going to do without my willow... I've cried alot about it so far.

And my fence is down.. but who cares, insurance will cover that.

Work has been hell. Since I work at one of the first grocery stores to open up in the area after the storm we were swamped, but unlike our cousins HEB we didn't have mobs of people rioting for food. We at least had civil people who thanked us many times over for having opened and how much they appriciated it. It really made me feel alot better that I was helping people even though my feet, back, legs, and neck all hurt at once.

I wasn't working in the bakery since things were so crazy and the store didn't actually have power. I was a sacker and let me tell you I'm glad I was back in the Bakery making cookies and bread today. I hated it.

Well... I guess thats all I have to say about that. I'm tired and I get to start cleaning things up tommorow. woooooooohooooooooo

P.s. this is the longest blog I've ever written o.o

I'm ok. I love you all. See you when the storm blows over!

Last year when I was getting ready for renaissance festival Brandon said something to me that I will never be able to put out of my mind: "Now I know you'll be at fair and their will be many a prince, or pirate that will walk by and try to sweep you off your feet, just don't forget me."

And I decided, no matter how many sweet talking Jack Sparrows, or scantly clad barbarians offered me a rose or a pint of ale I don't think I could ever forget my kinight in shining armor... my gentle protector.

This year he wont have to worry about me forgetting him, though. :) He wants to work at faire this year... and that alone was a huge shock to me. He doesn't hate faire, he just can't get into it like I do. So if he does work... I'll see him, sleep next to him, be with him, in the world I long for courtly romance in, in the world I love so much, every weekend for 8 weeks.

I hope it works out that way. I really really do.

So I watching 'Dan in Real life' which is about a man with three beautiful girls that are almost all grown up and he's having a hard time being both mother and father and they are starting to push him away as teenagers often do. In the movie Dan and his parents, his brothers (their are three) and all of their children get together in a  large cabin in the woods for a week of family fun.

There was one even in which they were all hanging out in the living room, all doing different things: singing, playing the piano drawing, reading, playing checkers... and kep in mind that there are at least 15 people in this family all in one living room. There was another scene in which they all had to  all perform in a talent show.

I was watching this movie and I find myself yearning for that future. A big family, with all the usual problems but... when they're all the same room just together enjoying themselves and their family. I want a bif family one day, I want yearly trips like that.