Its been an interesting week to say the least. For started we had the first big thunderstorm in a month... We desperately needed it to we were starting to get into drought conditions. The only problem I had with the oh so wonderful thunderstorm that lasted all day was that it made me miss Brandon. I love to combine comforting things in my life so I can be completely blissfull in one instance. I haden't seen Brandon in a week and I spent the whole rainy day, day dreaming about being curled up on his comfortable bed watching old cartoons, being held in his arms, while the rain poured down outside. I had to settle for just the rain that day. Then the other night I had the cartoons him and his bed. I guess the old saying is true "You can't have your cake and eat it to"

I have been needing to get a second job to bring in a little more money and so a few days ago I put in a couple applications online. Yesterday I got a call about an interview at Kroger. Today I went for the interview and got offered a job! I thought at first they were going to hire me as a cashier... Now I didn't want to be a cashier mind you but... heck I needed a second job and it didn't hurt to go in for the interview! Anyways, the lady asked me what position I'd like at her grocerie store, and I told her the truth: What ever she had to offer is what I was interested in. Low and behold she offered me a job in the bakery! I'd be baking cookies, putting labels on the cake boxes, baking the bread, taking orders for cakes, writing things in iceing on the cakes that we have pre-made, and all that jazz!!! I'm so excited and my dad is proud of me... bakers get a goos salry once they figure out what they are doing. My mother is less then thrilled with me... and I can't put my finger on why. Oh well, to hell with her! I gots me a second job!

Now for the bad news... I'm afraid it was looming and inevitable. Three nights ago my grandmother went to the ER. She had fallen down twice during the day one of those times she had knocked herself out. The blacking out diden't cause the sudden balance and memory problems that my grandfather saw in her that day, but it certainly didn't help. They admited her io the hospital so they could do tests and see what had happened to her. I went to visit her yesterday and while I was there her neuroligist came to see her and ask her some questions. She remembered that her bithrday was the next day (today) but she couldn't remember the year she was born. She knew my grandfathers name and that he was her husband, but she couldn't remember when they had gotten married. Since she couldn't remember I felt it my duty to remember both dates for her. Her birthday is June 12, 1931 , and her aniversary is June 9, 1955. 

We found out today that in the last week she has suffered another stroke (she had one about a year ago). Its so sad and I'm really worried about her but... she's not in any pain and she is definately in good spirits. She tried to get out of bed cause she had it in her head she was going to drive my Aunt's truck. When she was told she couldn't she retorted that she most certainly could. When she was given her lunch she ate ever bite offered my grandfather a peice of the cake and then ate ever bite of that to. :) I love my grandma... she's fiesty even though she's in a hospital bed with things attached to her. 

Well thats my week. Goodnight and have a plesant tommorow. 

So lately I have been going through rather odd sleeping patterns. I wake up at 12 in the afternoon sometimes even later then that. I hang out at the house for a few hours and eat a couple meals before I go to work around 9. I stay at work until 2am. I come home and stay awake for a couple more hours online and watching tv before I go to sleep again. 

I'm getting enough sleep, thank god, but lately I haven't been feeling rested when I wake up... Its like I'm in a perpetual state of tiredness. The only times I've felt rested in the last few months is on those rare occasions in which I get to sleep in Brandon's arms. :) I like doing that alot. If I sleep next to him It doesn't matter if I under sleep or over sleep, I always wake up refreshed and very well rested. 

The only other time I've ever slept that good is when I've slept in my parents bed with them... which embarrasingly enough was recently. You see, I tend to regress when I have been awake for over 24 hours. I get whiney, and irritable. In other words I turn into a two year old prone to fits and boughts of uncontrollable tears. I found myself in such a sate earlier this week when I went to work at 9pm and didn't get home until 6am. I came home went into my parents bedroom curcled up between the two of them and stayed asleep for 10 hours straight. Even after they got up got dressed got on their computer got on their phones took my brother to school, and went to work. I just needed them their to be able to fall asleep. Kinda sad... Oh well. I got the sleep I so desperately needed. 

I've also been having alot of vivid and specific dreams... But these dreams have incorporated more of my real life then they have ever done before, including actuall experiences, my favorite music artists, my favorite music artists actuall personalities, and everything plays like a movie (movies a new passion of mine.) What I love the most about my dreams though is the intelligable conversations I have with my dream friends. Like once I was talking to this girl in my dream and I heard my alarm going off. I asked her if she could hold on just a second and that I had to take care of that noise. I then woke up turned the alarm off and dove right back into the dream. I appoligized to the dream girl and asked her to continue with what she was saying.

One thing that I think is funny about my dreams but is not very fun is when dream people remember me but I don't remember them. I usually regognize a dream place if I visit there again... But I very rarely remember the people. :( Regretably enough when the dream people find out that I've forgotten them they tend to yell at me and demand an explination. My dream people are so needy!

Well thats all my musings on dreams and sleep.

Goodnight out there, what ever you are!

(p.s. If you get that last reference I will love you forever and ever!)

So I didn't tell you all yet! I got a photography gig and it has already come and went. I was rather excited about it, as it was my first proffesional gig(minus the proffesional pay). My excitment has turned but to ash now, not even a glowing amber remains. I was origionally contacted by my Aunt through email, asking me to do the photography for one of her food and wine club's induction cermonies. I found out all the details and agreed imidiately. 

The second email I got was from another officer of that particular group who even through text sounded very... condesending. I brushed it aside and told her everything she asked to know. When I arrived there the same lady welcomed me so she could show me around and let me know exactly what she wanted and needed. She told me she needed print quility photos but that I didn't need to trouble myself to much with the photos of the actual dinner being served, just the ceromony and the cocktail party. She briefly showed me the rooms that the different parts of the ceromony we're going to be in, told me I'd have to talk to a server to get into the kitchen and then left me to my own divices. She left a totally green photographer to figure out what she was supposed to do on my own. 

As the evening began very rich high class scociety types were the subjects of my photography. Some were nice... others looked at me in a very judemental maner as if I was just a servant to their whims. I have never felt so... unterly torn apart by another's eyes in my entire life. I felt as though I should scutter away in fear. One man in particular bothered me the most. If ever I asked to take a picture of a group of people he was with, he imidiately told me that none of them were romanticly involved with him... not that that bothers me to terribly much. Ok... so you have a controlling wife I get it I won't take your picture with another female. He did this everytime though. Needless to say I stopped taking pictures of him.

I went on to take pictures of their dinner party and.... the room was to large for most flash shots and was to dark to get anything decent otherwise. All the pictures from the dinner party were'nt good at all but... I didn't worry because those were the pictures I was told weren't to terribly important. Well... that was my mistake I suppose. I recived an email today and... it was less then encouraging. It was the women who had been my so called guide at the beginning. She said while the pictures from before the dinner were good the pictures of the dinner were completely unusable and again in a very "I am hollier then thou" sort of way said that we needed to meet and discuss how they are supposed to be done, and scolded me for not using my flash. She said in the email that she had told me at the begining of the evening the very knit picky things she needed in ALL the photos and she was definately lying through her teeth because I know she didn't do that.

I had brought my flash with me but she had never said that she absolutely needed me to use it. 

I need the money but.... I don't much ever want to work with these people again. I like the money of being the "hired help" but I don't like being treated like a child like I'm young and like I know exactly what other people want in their photo's because I have a camera in my hand. 

That evening was a huge blow to my self esteem as much as it pains me to think like this I'm doubting my ability to do photography well.

Thank you for reading... I hope this hasen't bored you to terribly much.

So I didn't tell you all yet! I got a photography gig and it has already come and went. I was rather excited about it, as it was my first proffesional gig(minus the proffesional pay). My excitment has turned but to ash now, not even a glowing amber remains. I was origionally contacted by my Aunt through email, asking me to do the photography for one of her food and wine club's induction cermonies. I found out all the details and agreed imidiately. 

The second email I got was from another officer of that particular group who even through text sounded very... condesending. I brushed it aside and told her everything she asked to know. When I arrived there the same lady welcomed me so she could show me around and let me know exactly what she wanted and needed. She told me she needed print quility photos but that I didn't need to trouble myself to much with the photos of the actual dinner being served, just the ceromony and the cocktail party. She briefly showed me the rooms that the different parts of the ceromony we're going to be in, told me I'd have to talk to a server to get into the kitchen and then left me to my own divices. She left a totally green photographer to figure out what she was supposed to do on my own. 

As the evening began very rich high class scociety types were the subjects of my photography. Some were nice... others looked at me in a very judemental maner as if I was just a servant to their whims. I have never felt so... unterly torn apart by another's eyes in my entire life. I felt as though I should scutter away in fear. One man in particular bothered me the most. If ever I asked to take a picture of a group of people he was with, he imidiately told me that none of them were romanticly involved with him... not that that bothers me to terribly much. Ok... so you have a controlling wife I get it I won't take your picture with another female. He did this everytime though. Needless to say I stopped taking pictures of him.

I went on to take pictures of their dinner party and.... the room was to large for most flash shots and was to dark to get anything decent otherwise. All the pictures from the dinner party were'nt good at all but... I didn't worry because those were the pictures I was told weren't to terribly important. Well... that was my mistake I suppose. I recived an email today and... it was less then encouraging. It was the women who had been my so called guide at the beginning. She said while the pictures from before the dinner were good the pictures of the dinner were completely unusable and again in a very "I am hollier then thou" sort of way said that we needed to meet and discuss how they are supposed to be done, and scolded me for not using my flash. She said in the email that she had told me at the begining of the evening the very knit picky things she needed in ALL the photos and she was definately lying through her teeth because I know she didn't do that.

I had brought my flash with me but she had never said that she absolutely needed me to use it. 

I need the money but.... I don't much ever want to work with these people again. I like the money of being the "hired help" but I don't like being treated like a child like I'm young and like I know exactly what other people want in their photo's because I have a camera in my hand. 

That evening was a huge blow to my self esteem as much as it pains me to think like this I'm doubting my ability to do photography well.

Thank you for reading... I hope this hasen't bored you to terribly much.

So... When ever I look my boyfriend in the eyes... or look at pictures in which his eyes just pop I can't help it that a tear tries to come to my eyes. I hate to be all mushy about eyes... but his are so beautiful I can't help it. :)

Let me show you:

Maybe its just the fact that I'm dating him and thats the reason I love the way his eyes look but... I've never thought anyone's eyes were this lovely in my entire life.